BREAKING NEWS: Barbie develops strategic behavioral experiment enlisting genetically perfected human beings to compete as Ken-testants for the title of “Great American Boyfriend,” as well as for eternal life via doll form. The effort promotes Mattel's new Ken dolls with genitals, following a Ken-driven outbreak of childhood confusion about the makeup of the human form.
   
OK, we'll stop channeling The Onion, but that scenario may have been a more enlightening version of the real campaign, which is ...